I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
