I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
