he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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