My Higher Power is John Stamos
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
