Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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