i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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