Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
