They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
