he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
