your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
