I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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