gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
