my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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