My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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