rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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