We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
