the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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