the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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