my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
