So drunk its hurt
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I need water and some morals
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
