Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
