This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
