I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
