Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
