drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
