i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize