I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
