we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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