Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize