Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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