we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
there is puke in my bra ... again
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
