I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
