Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
