the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
