who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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