dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
