she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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