just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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