You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize