So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
