you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
