Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize