you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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