Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
