Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
