umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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