Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
