I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
