Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
