I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize