so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize