if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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