Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
