Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
