i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
