Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
