It's like God shit irony all over that family
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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