Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
