just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
