cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
