He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
