ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
