New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
