I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
