Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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