Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
