If i come over, it means nothing
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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