I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
