it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize