I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
