I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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