Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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