i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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