I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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