i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
