just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
