We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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