hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
