I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
as a side note pls kill me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
