omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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