a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize