I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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