Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
