How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dignity is for republicans.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
