I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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