the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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