You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
