I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
