tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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