I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
