Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
