woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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