1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
