I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
