He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the day after is always just damage control
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
