listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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