I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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