Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
