drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
