the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
All the doctor said was why
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
