She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
