when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
