Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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