Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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