It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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