is your mom at the bar?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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