I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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