he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
