we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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